10 Questions to Sit With Over Tea This Self-Care Awareness Month

The 10 self-care reflection questions below are the ones I wrote for the cards in my September box, and you do not need the box to use them. Make a cup of tea, pick one, and sit with it for 10 quiet minutes. That pause is the point.

I found that out at my own kitchen table during a difficult season, with 5 kids and no plan. Making myself a cup of tea was the first thing I did only for me, and the waiting, while it steeps and cools, is where the thinking happened.

What Makes a Good Self-Care Reflection Question?

A good self-care reflection question asks about your real life rather than an ideal one, and it cannot be answered with yes or no. "Am I taking care of myself?" is a test you fail. "What does rest actually look like on a Tuesday in my house?" is one you can answer honestly, and the answer gives you something to do.

It also has to hold still long enough for you to think, which is why I pair these with tea instead of a checklist. Johns Hopkins Medicine marks September as Self-Care Awareness Month and makes the same point I do: self-care is ordinary maintenance, not a reward you earn.

The 10 Reflection Questions From This Month's Box

Here are all 10, in the order they sit on the card, with a line from me under each on why I ask it. Three of them also went on the small card in this month's box, because if you only ever answer 3, those are the 3 I would pick.

Questions 1 to 5: where your comfort comes from

1. What cultural traditions, foods, or rituals were you raised with that still bring you comfort today?

Comfort is almost always inherited. Somebody poured you something warm before you were old enough to remember it, which is what the tea traditions across Mexico, the Caribbean and Latin America are saying too.

2. When did you last truly rest, not just stop working, but genuinely let yourself be still?

One of the 3 on the card. Most of us answer it and go quiet, because stopping work and resting are not the same thing. Researchers call the real version psychological detachment: your mind is off the job too, not just your hands.

3. Who in your life pours into others constantly without being poured into? How might you acknowledge or support them?

Ladies, you know exactly who you thought of. Half of you thought of yourself and crossed yourself off the list. Answer the second half anyway.

4. What does self-care actually look like in your real life, not the curated version, but the one that actually works for you?

I am against the pretty version. Mine is a pitcher of green tea in the fridge and 10 minutes before anybody else is up. Write down yours, however unglamorous, then protect it.

5. Is there a piece of your family's cultural story you've been meaning to preserve, share, or pass on?

My first tea party was in 2014, because my mother asked me to host one for her grandchildren. Somebody has to ask while there is still somebody to ask.

Questions 6 to 10: what you are carrying into October

6. As the seasons change, what are you releasing from summer that no longer belongs in your autumn?

Number 2 on the card, and the one I sit with this time of year. September in San Antonio shifts in that particular way. You get to decide what does not come with you.

7. What does warmth mean to you right now, in people, in spaces, in experiences?

The softest one on the list, which makes it the best to read out loud first if somebody else is at the table. Nobody has to confess anything to answer it.

8. What's one comfort you've been denying yourself that you could give yourself permission for this month?

The third one on the card. The answer is rarely expensive. It is usually a nap, a closed door, or the good teacup you are saving for company that never comes.

9. Where do you feel most like yourself? What does that place or moment feel like in your body?

I added the second half on purpose. Naming the place is easy. Naming how it feels in your shoulders is what you can go looking for again on a Wednesday.

10. What are you most looking forward to in October, and what do you want to carry into that season with intention?

A reflection that never turns into a plan is just a nice afternoon. Something is brewing in October at my house, and I want you walking into it on purpose.

How Do You Use Reflection Questions on Your Own?

Take 1 question, not all 10, and give it 10 to 15 minutes with a pen while your tea cools. The point is not a beautiful journal entry, it is getting the thought out of the loop it has been running in.

Writing it down does seem to matter. James Pennebaker spent decades studying what happens when people write about their own lives, and a review of that work in Advances in Psychiatric Treatment linked short sessions of honest writing with better emotional and physical health. One trial asked for 15 minutes, 3 days a week, which is small enough that you might actually do it.

If a question lands badly, put it down. These are not homework. Skip to number 7 and come back.

How Do You Use Them With a Friend Over a Pot of Tea?

Read one out loud, both of you answer it, then move to the next in order. Start light, get gradually more personal, and take turns so nobody is doing all the opening up alone.

That is not a hosting trick I invented. Arthur Aron and his colleagues built a set of questions that escalate in exactly that way, and pairs of strangers who worked through them felt closer afterward than pairs who made small talk for the same 45 minutes. Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center publishes it as a practice anyone can run at a kitchen table.

At my tea parties we call this Talk Time, and the tea does half the work. Cups have to cool, so the conversation fills the gap. That is how tea created a safe space at my table with my own kids, long before any of this was a business.

Which Question Should You Start With?

Start with the question that matches the week you are having, not with number 1.

If you are	Start with	Why
Running on empty and cannot say why	Question 2	Stopping work and resting are not the same thing, and naming the gap is the fix.
The person everyone leans on	Question 3	It turns the question back around on you, which is the part you keep skipping.
Missing home or thinking about family	Question 1	Comfort is usually inherited, and remembering where yours came from is its own rest.
Doing all the right things and still tired	Question 4	The honest version of self-care beats the photographed one.
Dreading the run into the holidays	Question 6	You get to decide what does not come with you into autumn.
Sitting with a friend and unsure where to start	Question 7	It is soft and open, so nobody has to confess anything.

What to Pour While You Sit With Them

Pour something Caffeine-Free if you are doing this in the evening, which is when most women finally get the house quiet. Lovely Lavender is the softest thing on my shelf, lavender with hibiscus and butterfly pea flower, and it steeps a blue purple. Use a cup you like holding, too. Mine says Pour Into Yourself on the side, which is either a reminder or a lecture depending on the day.

Where These Questions Come From Every Month

New reflection cards go in the box every month, built around that month's theme. September is Comfort and Culture, and I wrote up what else is inside the September box. The Tea Blossom monthly subscription is how the cards and 3 new blends land on your porch without you thinking about it, and your seat at the virtual tea party on the last Monday of the month comes with it.

If a subscription is not what you want, Simple Pleasures carries the same reflection prompt cards, and you can choose the tea time journal instead of the teacup. That is the one I send to a friend I know is going to write.

Either way, the questions above are yours now. Print them, screenshot them, read them to your sister. I did not write them to sell a box. I wrote them because I needed them first.

So pour into yourself this month, and start with whichever question made you uncomfortable while you were reading, because that is the one with your name on it. If you want the next set when they are written, The Steeping Chronicles is my newsletter, with a sweet side and a real side in every edition. Who will you invite to your table?

---

Questions People Ask About Self-Care Reflection Questions

What are self-care reflection questions?

They are open questions about your own life that you answer for yourself, usually in writing. A self-care reflection question cannot be answered with yes or no, and it asks about your real circumstances rather than an ideal version, which is what stops it turning into a test you fail.

How many journal prompts should I answer at once?

One. Answering 10 prompts in a sitting turns reflection into a task and you stop after 2 days. Pick the question that matches the week you are having, give it 10 to 15 minutes, and leave the rest for other days. Short and repeated beats long and abandoned.

Do I have to write my answers down?

No, but it helps. Research on expressive writing links short sessions of honest writing with better emotional wellbeing, and writing slows you down enough to notice what you think. If a pen is not your thing, say the answer out loud or talk it through while the tea cools.

What is a good reflection question to ask a friend over tea?

Start with what warmth means to her right now, in people, in spaces, in experiences. It is soft and open, so nobody has to confess anything. Then work down the list in order, both of you answering each one, because taking turns is what makes it feel safe rather than like an interview.

Which A Tea Party In A Box boxes include the reflection cards?

The Simple Pleasures gift box and the Tea Blossom monthly subscription box both include reflection prompt cards, along with tea fact cards and something to do while you sit. The monthly box gets a new set each month built around that month's theme, so the questions change as the year does.

When is Self-Care Awareness Month?

September. It runs the whole month and overlaps with Hispanic Heritage Month, which starts on September 15, so this is a good stretch of weeks to think about rest and about where your comfort came from at the same time. That overlap is what my September box was built around.